split July 30, 2007
Posted by arick in Life.add a comment
life is weird. life is hard. especially when you don’t quite know who to be. it’s really weird though because as i just realized i really am one person with one group of friends and another with another group and yet another with another group. and… well… it’s kind of hard to maintain that. and it isn’t that i pretend to be anybody. i am myself. always and truly. i am myself. but i suppose we all have different parts of ourselves we wish to express, maybe… it is weird though. i don’t entirely get the differences between me, myself, and i. they are pretty settle (except for my one alter-ego that enjoys getting drunk and such). it’s weird to think about. but… so adolescents, according to that psych course i took, create different identities for their families and friends, and so when both family and friends are together the adolescent is faced with a somewhat conflict of identity. sort of a confused feeling… choosing who he/she should be… i get that feeling a lot… like when groups come together i don’t know exactly how to act. a part of me really wants to be with one group, getting drunk, and another part of me does want to have innocent fun with the other group, running around throwing a frisbee. it’s hard to be entirely myself… though… i do sort of like the split… because… i don’t know… because… i can be myself in different ways i suppose… because i can still have innocent fun… and i can still party hard… and i can still enjoy different aspects of myself. i enjoy it. it’s hard to keep everything apart all the time… but when they are kept apart i enjoy it….
the future… ? July 22, 2007
Posted by arick in Life.2 comments
it is a somewhat inevitable thought that creeps into my mind: what is it that the future holds? it has recently occurred to me that the future is coming too fast and too soon. i wish that i could be seven and frolic carefree and play on swingsets and splash in rain and run through fields without any worry. okay… truth be told i still do that… but… it isn’t the same. the future… i don’t really want to think about it. honestly it has always seemed to me imprudent to do so because you begin to loose sight of the present. but for some reason… right now it is somewhat difficult to expel from my mind. (i think i’ll blame that “19 years after” epilogue in deathly hallows… ok that’s not entirely fair cuz i have been thinking about this for a while.) i mean, the college hunt is soon to begin, along with my senior year in high school and thus imminent graduation. an eighteenth birthday is not too far away… a little more than a year… a somewhat surreal thought really. but suddenly, i realize that once i graduate, once i leave college, i am in effect starting a completely new life. right now, in the present, i am faced with the disillusioning fact that some of my closest friends are leaving for college… and then suddenly the temporary aspect of friendship hits me. it is hard to say that any friendship that i hold now will make it beyond high school. of course, me being the unreasonable optimist that i am maintain that there is hope that they will. but now facing reality… it’s hard to think any of them will. one of my friends is going to join the navy and won’t even come back during the summer for the next nine years. these friendships that i have now… they seem to be bound together by a common place. bound together by the simple fact that we all live in this small little town. but we’re all going to leave. the question is: will these friendships continue after that binding force is gone? perhaps… perhaps there is a something stronger than the fact that we just happen to live in the vicinity as each other. now it is likely that i will maintain communication with my friends for maybe a few years… but the number of high school friends i keep just diminishes as time passes. well… i don’t know… that seems to be my response to everything… i’m not scared of what the future may hold… honestly i am quite ready to jump into college right now. but… it is somewhat hard to think how everything is going to change. how i will be starting a new life. the question i suppose i am bothered by actually is… will i leave my old life behind?
iphone!! July 17, 2007
Posted by arick in Science and Technology.add a comment
so this guy who also works for marv who came all the way from mit was working in the same room as me today. so this guy and his roommates both have iphones! and after giving me a little demo i played around with it! it is the coolest thing i have ever seen! it is the coolest thing i have ever touched! it is absolutely amazing! oh, the guy who i talked to was a physics major and his roommate was a compsci major who had a ps3 there that i guess he was sort of hacking. it ran linux and he was developing something for it. cool cool.
eh… some updates July 13, 2007
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so basically… life’s boring… ok let’s be more specifically. let’s begin with work. work stinks. it is so boring. since i’m not working with classified material i can rant on and on about my work. so i am writing a program to model ICF capsules. now… yeah i was supposed to “update” and maintain the old code but marv has decided that i am actually going to design and create my own program because the old one that i’m supposed to maintain is just impractical. now… it’s going to be hard to create such a program when i don’t actually understand the physics behind it. so basically i am doing nothing at work. i’m just sort of maintaining this really old code. oh, actually i am doing something. i’m writing a paper on my work! ain’t that exciting? i hate it.
right now. at this moment. i am so incredibly exhausted. my work is just mentally exhausting. it drains you. you stare at a computer screen for eight hours. it’s draining… and then we had a lab-wide student picnic today… and i played frisbee for two hours so that physically drained me. so i am both mentally and physically exhausted right now…
speaking of frisbee! it’s awesome! i’ve been playing every saturday for about two hours. it’s pretty amazing actually. and there’s this story… last saturday matt and i ran into each other. and there was a loud clasp (that supposedly echoed). and his knee like hit my sternum so… i couldn’t breathe. it was pretty crippling yeah. but frisbee is so much fun!
ok movies time. i have watched… since my i said ocean’s 13… die hard 4, ratatouille, harry potter 5, transformers, fantastic 4 rise of the silver surfer… and a couple others. but a runthrough. die hard 4 = good movie for after work. the impossible stunts were just amazing. visually stellar. explosions. cool. ratatouille one of the best animated movies i have seen hands down. amusing, touching, and an awesome concept. harry potter 5 sucked. i didn’t expect it to be great but i expected it to be good. it wasn’t. they cut out too many important things essential to the harry potter story, dialog was incredibly sluggish the movie felt slow, parts of the story didn’t really fit together and it was sort of hard to follow if you didn’t read the book (so i would imagine). visually appealing but the magic was on the low-side. not enough magic. the casting for luna and umbridge was great. those two had amazing performances. transformers was an awesome summer blockbuster. i mean, special effects were amazing. yeah the plot was incredibly lacking but you have some witty moments… a hot chick… and transformers!! along with some nice explosions and a lot of really cool effects. unbelievable. stellar. fantastic 4 was horrible. it was a special effects movie and yeah they got the special effects but it was just horribly cliched and just sucked.
books. i’ve read dubliners, fight club, and maus… along with re-reading harry potter 5. dubliners is of course a classic. fight club i had read before… lots of times… maus was good. incredible. awesome. harry potter 5 – harry’s such a whiny bitch i never realized.
so other than that… let’s see… rufus wainwright concert august 6th and i am super incredibly uber psyched it is going to be so amazing and sean lennon is an opener and it’s going to be quite the concert. transportation issues i’m trying to work out since i’m not sure about driving there… going to be so cool. tomorrow i’m not sure what i’m doing. i mean… work… i think marv is going to try to explain the physics behind ICF capsule zoning… and afterwards i’m going to do something with luke… or not… i don’t know. we’re supposed to do something. like watch a movie (i don’t know what movie) or maybe go to this concert that mr. l told me about which was supposed to be good according to mr. a who told him. and i might be house sitting for mr. l won’t that be exciting? probably. it’s an excuse to leave my house.
oh and e3 is going on. it’s amazing. microsoft is screwed. both sony and microsoft were searching for the price drop before e3. sony got it. microsoft can’t. with the extended warranty, microsoft can’t afford to price drop. it’ll hurt sales way too much. microsoft had a sucky press conference. boring. sony’s was alright. it’s strongpoint was it’s massive game blowout. nintendo’s was, agreed by analysts by the way so not my own bias, the best. of course reggie is an amazing speaker. but they announced the wii balance bored and zapper. along with a release date for smash bros brawl and mario galaxy. demo of galaxy and metroid corruption and a demo of phantom hourglass, much anticipated. in addition announced mariokart for the wii. online playability nonetheless. but that was expected. sony was somewhat lacking in hardware. they have a new psp but it isn’t that great. they didn’t have good speakers either.
right now as i type there’s a live nintendo roundtable. which i have to get back to. starcraft 2!! they need another tech demo!! please! come on we need something new! blizzard is being somewhat evil with that. blizzcon will be cool as they’ll have either alpha or beta of starcraft 2.
identity July 8, 2007
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here’s a weird little piece i wrote… out of unsurmountable boredom. it’s like incredibly rough but whatever.
dreams July 8, 2007
Posted by arick in Dreams.add a comment
i got a little bored… ok, i got a lot bored…
