re-creation

lonepedestrian.blogspot.com

time stops
.
period.
and goes
continuing on and on
and on and
o
n
time stops.
but continues to keep moving
work
(and boredom
in general)
time stops.
halts
but quickly spins around
and around
and a
round world continues to spin
and time moves forward
and i lag behind.

my summer job: i sit in front of a computer, staring at the blaring white screen as it begins to suck my soul from my body as endless numbers of errors flood the window, and i sit… rather powerless to do anything because i don’t understand the physics or math or anything regarding the code… nor do i remember how to code… so i sit… but i get a fleet of high school minions i get to command in a couple weeks, though unfortunately they aren’t allowed to work on my project with all the errors, i’m just supervising their lame project and telling them what to do… so i sit… and stare at errors until one of my bosses comes up with a solution. and then he goes home. and another flood of errors come up. and i sit and write poetry for my scientific presentation because i have nothing better to do. and i sit i begin to realize how content i was when i was helping a friend landscape and babysit and housesit for him and he paid me food…

my summer life: i sit and watch lost, becoming ever so annoyed with john locke’s pretension and self-centeredness. i contemplate the exact meaning of the show… that indeed… nothing will be all right in the end. and that all we can hope for is that maybe we can actually run away from what we want. but i don’t run, so i sit. i sit and watch the screen play pictures in front of my eyes. and i see a diving bell, and a butterfly. i see my mind limited by the darjeeling circling my head. and i see nothing. but i sit anyway. sit amongst friends doing nothing in particular, but ponder. and so we spend our days pondering the future as we have reached this cliff-edge, as we venture off into the world, as the future comes to engulf us and destroy us and our standings. and we reminisce, reminisce of the old days of teeter-totters and swings, of physical teeter-totters and swings and none of the emotional ones so indicative of high school dramas that have littered our lives for the last four years. so we ponder and we reminisce, but alas, all we do is sit.

and alas i break free. and i lie on the grass staring up at the stars and notice the infinitesimal futility of our existence and wonder at the stars, seeing in them the past, seeing in them the eyes of those thousands of years ago gazing at these same stars, seeing in them the eyes of those thousands of years from now gazing into the sky hoping for the future. seeing in them the past and the future. seeing in the all space through all time. and so i lie and gaze at the stars that gently lull me to sleep. until finally, the pictures frame-by-frame play before my eyes and i see inside me. and i see all my hopes and all my fears play beneath my eyelids. so that finally, just maybe, that unconscious mind and that conscious mind may meet and join, so that consciousness find unconsciousness.

and so i lay.

and so i fade.

blogging is hard. the idea behind wandering pedestrians was a blog amongst ourselves so that we may, no matter what, understand the happenings of each other. unfortunately, facebook has overruled our need to blog. not to mention, our everyday lives are terribly dull and boring, filled with nothing but high school drama, homework, and college applications. nothing exciting truly seems to happen in our lives.

life is short, life is sweet. so why not spend it living?

instead of being trapped behind a keyboard always retrospectively analyzing it, why not spend it living? instead of feigning an interesting life, why not make an interesting life?

because… because we live in the age of networking. that is why. we live confined and trapped behind our monitors’ ominous glows, sucking away our lives as we eagerly facebook stalk our so-called friends and im our truer friends.

as stated before, the purpose of this blog before was update those who cared the frivolous happenings of our lives. since the last true update nothing much has really happened, in fact, here’s a brief summary:

colin is going to carleton, i’m going to emory, afsheen to utah, calvin to harvey mudd and paco to who-knows-where (either santa barbara or macalester presumably). we graduated. i got to talk because i’m important. in introduced my personal john keating as our teacher speaker. colin gave our closing statements. we screwed up, inciting a wave in the audience by accident (it looked cool though). since, i’ve been bumming grad party food, watching disgusting amounts of tv (i have recently discovered the joys of lost) and playing ultimate. calvin’s life was marked by a terrible illness, afsheen ran off to new york for a week, and paco and colin have had nothing exciting (much like my life). calvin, paco and i enjoyed the mysticism of the “fourth period badasses,” otherwise known as our english class, where we camped out in a completely empty house (with odd and bizarre architecture).

so… all that muck is out of the way. and with the creation of facebook, that is the last of the muck that will ever appear on this blog. a blog who’s purpose is to give little tidbits of the author’s lives is narcissistic and meaningless. a blog with such a purpose is fated to die.

and so, i propose the new purpose of this blog.

or at least, for me.

it is my outlet for writing.

i’ve been having so much conversation with my parents lately about the future and what it holds. the thing is, i don’t know. and more importantly, i don’t want to know. not only do i view it as a hopeless endeavor, but i also wish to be surprised by whatever the future holds. but alas, the conversations have caused me to ask what i actually want out of the future. i am going to college and naturally i must declare some major.

i am undecided. to the knowledge of my parents i am majoring in nbb, neuroscience and behavioral biology. which i enjoy.

the thing is, what i truly love doing is writing. and in my recent thoughts i have decided that the only true knowledge i have of what i want out of the future is that i want to write. i don’t necessarily care what it is that i write about, but i wish to write. there is a hidden beauty in language, and i have fallen in love with it.

so in this realization i have turned to various outlets, but i have decided that perhaps the best of which would be this blog.

the purpose of this blog, now, is so that i may write.

(and there really is only one other thing i want out of the future that i know of as of yet, and that is i want to continue my current friendships and forge new ones. and not just meaningless acquaintances. oscar wilde: “a true friend stabs you in the front.” i want my chest to be full of scars by the time i leave this world.)