re-creation

lonepedestrian.blogspot.com

time stops
.
period.
and goes
continuing on and on
and on and
o
n
time stops.
but continues to keep moving
work
(and boredom
in general)
time stops.
halts
but quickly spins around
and around
and a
round world continues to spin
and time moves forward
and i lag behind.

my summer job: i sit in front of a computer, staring at the blaring white screen as it begins to suck my soul from my body as endless numbers of errors flood the window, and i sit… rather powerless to do anything because i don’t understand the physics or math or anything regarding the code… nor do i remember how to code… so i sit… but i get a fleet of high school minions i get to command in a couple weeks, though unfortunately they aren’t allowed to work on my project with all the errors, i’m just supervising their lame project and telling them what to do… so i sit… and stare at errors until one of my bosses comes up with a solution. and then he goes home. and another flood of errors come up. and i sit and write poetry for my scientific presentation because i have nothing better to do. and i sit i begin to realize how content i was when i was helping a friend landscape and babysit and housesit for him and he paid me food…

my summer life: i sit and watch lost, becoming ever so annoyed with john locke’s pretension and self-centeredness. i contemplate the exact meaning of the show… that indeed… nothing will be all right in the end. and that all we can hope for is that maybe we can actually run away from what we want. but i don’t run, so i sit. i sit and watch the screen play pictures in front of my eyes. and i see a diving bell, and a butterfly. i see my mind limited by the darjeeling circling my head. and i see nothing. but i sit anyway. sit amongst friends doing nothing in particular, but ponder. and so we spend our days pondering the future as we have reached this cliff-edge, as we venture off into the world, as the future comes to engulf us and destroy us and our standings. and we reminisce, reminisce of the old days of teeter-totters and swings, of physical teeter-totters and swings and none of the emotional ones so indicative of high school dramas that have littered our lives for the last four years. so we ponder and we reminisce, but alas, all we do is sit.

and alas i break free. and i lie on the grass staring up at the stars and notice the infinitesimal futility of our existence and wonder at the stars, seeing in them the past, seeing in them the eyes of those thousands of years ago gazing at these same stars, seeing in them the eyes of those thousands of years from now gazing into the sky hoping for the future. seeing in them the past and the future. seeing in the all space through all time. and so i lie and gaze at the stars that gently lull me to sleep. until finally, the pictures frame-by-frame play before my eyes and i see inside me. and i see all my hopes and all my fears play beneath my eyelids. so that finally, just maybe, that unconscious mind and that conscious mind may meet and join, so that consciousness find unconsciousness.

and so i lay.

and so i fade.

blogging is hard. the idea behind wandering pedestrians was a blog amongst ourselves so that we may, no matter what, understand the happenings of each other. unfortunately, facebook has overruled our need to blog. not to mention, our everyday lives are terribly dull and boring, filled with nothing but high school drama, homework, and college applications. nothing exciting truly seems to happen in our lives.

life is short, life is sweet. so why not spend it living?

instead of being trapped behind a keyboard always retrospectively analyzing it, why not spend it living? instead of feigning an interesting life, why not make an interesting life?

because… because we live in the age of networking. that is why. we live confined and trapped behind our monitors’ ominous glows, sucking away our lives as we eagerly facebook stalk our so-called friends and im our truer friends.

as stated before, the purpose of this blog before was update those who cared the frivolous happenings of our lives. since the last true update nothing much has really happened, in fact, here’s a brief summary:

colin is going to carleton, i’m going to emory, afsheen to utah, calvin to harvey mudd and paco to who-knows-where (either santa barbara or macalester presumably). we graduated. i got to talk because i’m important. in introduced my personal john keating as our teacher speaker. colin gave our closing statements. we screwed up, inciting a wave in the audience by accident (it looked cool though). since, i’ve been bumming grad party food, watching disgusting amounts of tv (i have recently discovered the joys of lost) and playing ultimate. calvin’s life was marked by a terrible illness, afsheen ran off to new york for a week, and paco and colin have had nothing exciting (much like my life). calvin, paco and i enjoyed the mysticism of the “fourth period badasses,” otherwise known as our english class, where we camped out in a completely empty house (with odd and bizarre architecture).

so… all that muck is out of the way. and with the creation of facebook, that is the last of the muck that will ever appear on this blog. a blog who’s purpose is to give little tidbits of the author’s lives is narcissistic and meaningless. a blog with such a purpose is fated to die.

and so, i propose the new purpose of this blog.

or at least, for me.

it is my outlet for writing.

i’ve been having so much conversation with my parents lately about the future and what it holds. the thing is, i don’t know. and more importantly, i don’t want to know. not only do i view it as a hopeless endeavor, but i also wish to be surprised by whatever the future holds. but alas, the conversations have caused me to ask what i actually want out of the future. i am going to college and naturally i must declare some major.

i am undecided. to the knowledge of my parents i am majoring in nbb, neuroscience and behavioral biology. which i enjoy.

the thing is, what i truly love doing is writing. and in my recent thoughts i have decided that the only true knowledge i have of what i want out of the future is that i want to write. i don’t necessarily care what it is that i write about, but i wish to write. there is a hidden beauty in language, and i have fallen in love with it.

so in this realization i have turned to various outlets, but i have decided that perhaps the best of which would be this blog.

the purpose of this blog, now, is so that i may write.

(and there really is only one other thing i want out of the future that i know of as of yet, and that is i want to continue my current friendships and forge new ones. and not just meaningless acquaintances. oscar wilde: “a true friend stabs you in the front.” i want my chest to be full of scars by the time i leave this world.)

i feel like this blog is dead… yet surprisingly we still actually have readers. that’s all interesting enough. who the fuck are you guys wasting time reading such a useless blog? the thing is, it’s hard to write on the blog, simply because it is so unfocused. and i really have nothing to write about. my life is characterized by being rather dull. so i started playing guitar. it’s really easy to learn, i tried taking guitar lessons but the teacher is not that great, but he keeps guilting me and megan into going cuz he’s always saying how if it weren’t for us he wouldn’t have money for electricity and he seems so lonely and i have no clue what to do about that. i learned to snowboard, i’m quite good. i don’t understand, what is the appeal of this blog? why do y’all keep reading? it’s pretty damn boring. the teenage drama? here’s my drama: i’m struggling like hell. i’m about to graduate. i have no clue what i’m going to do. i can’t concentrate on my work because all i can think about is “what the hell is next?” i’m struggling to grasp this concept of self, this allusive idea that i am a unique individual and therefore i can somehow be defined. i’m scared by how much i’ve changed in two years and am even more scared by what can happen in the next two years. i’m confused with the concept, the idea of friendship and what is associated with it and what it entails, with this one person in particular, who i would like to call my friend but not sure exactly if that works cuz in some light he becomes this avuncular and heroic and mentor figure, “can one become friends with that figure?” i ask myself. i feel like i am more myself than i have ever been, but this “myself” is so new that i’m not sure how to react to it or if i like it.

there, teenage drama at it’s finest.

yada yada, i honestly don’t know what to write on this blog… i write about music and movies and that’s about it. whatever. let’s see, music: beastie boys the mix-up and jack johnson’s sleep through the static. mix-up was really good. i was seeking out some good instrumental stuff and i like it. what i like is that it has variety, it’s mostly funky type sounds but it has variety and that’s good. it has a very appealing sound that’ll make you want to do something terribly exciting (like go out and hitchhike, actually it’s more like go out and drive really fast music). sleep through the static i like. it’s different from the rest of jack johnson’s stuff. ok. i lied it ain’t that different actually. there are slight settle changes within the musical structure of some of the songs. but the songwriting is beautiful, the sound is appealing, and that’s really all that matters. i checked out, also, the new matchbox twenty music video. i was really excited cuz i really liked this song (”these hard times”), i like it better than “how far we’ve come.” to be honest altho i like the “new” matchbox twenty they aren’t really as good as the old. but the music video, back to the point, is really good. really really good. it is completely utterly simple and it has a certain beatle-esque air to it.

last night we all saw the bucket list. it’s a pretty good movie – it’s charming and sweet and terribly funny. it does has it’s deeper moments. but at anyrate, it made me think of my own bucket list…

1. learn to play the guitar
2. ride a motorcycle
3. bungee jump
4. see the aurora borealis
5. see favorite band live
6. sneak backstage and and meet favorite band
7. go on a road trip in a vw bus
8. hitchhike across the country
9. travel around the world
10. get a tattoo

oh yes… forgot… well happy new year everybody! yeah… just a tad bit late… but y’know…

so avid readers are asking “where’s that special surprise?” well… we’re starting a podcast. surprise! the first episode was planned by me and colin to be the first of this year… but the wp had a party… and podcast episodes? meh!

anyhow, i shall take this opportunity to announce some things… well for the most part this break has been characterized by college apps, skiing, and movies. college apps i have at last finished… skiing – the snow is total crap but i suppose crappy snow is better than no snow (i learned today not to follow a snowboarder into the trees for powder… cuz once he wipes and you’re coming from behind and well it’s kind hard to maneuver in powder especially with trees around). oh, and something else exciting… my ipod touch hack finally killed my ipod… so no more hack… the details of seles’ poor death is simply all the music and videos were suddenly gone and upon attaching it to the computer it asked to restore the firmware cuz it seems that everything had disappeared (tho curiously i could still play my hacked apps) so firmware restore, it’s at 1.1.2 no more hack.

movies! my break has been characterized by an incredible flurry of movies! so my humble opinion on films viewed within the last two weeks.

i am legend – paco was thoroughly disappointed. obviously he has some ridiculously high expectations for a zombie movie. i, however, was thoroughly impressed. i really wasn’t expecting much but will smith did a great acting job, there was actually a plot… and a sort of message that you can take home… i mean… by plot i don’t mean why the zombies existed… that was very resident-evil-ish in terms of plot. rather, just like there was some internal struggles and a lot of interesting things.

alvin and the chipmunks – fun music (not good, mind you. fun). crappy everything else. but hey it’s a holiday flick, didn’t really expect much to begin with.

half nelson – i think easily one of my favorite movies now. it has an interesting plot (imdb it for a good plot synopsis). it’s really good… ryan gossling has become one of my favorite actors now (as he was in fracture as well). cinematically it was dull, i must admit. it moved slowly at times. but it was truly intriguing. there were constant struggles between “opposites” (a motif that the movie starts off with, as ryan gossling plays a history teacher believing that it is the study of change and moreover change is created by opposing forces). there are lots of undertones regarding race, sex, definitely drugs, and a lot. it’s… deep… and to be honest… though it is somewhat hard to describe, it reminded me of dead poet’s society… except sort of reversed and instead of focusing on the students it focuses on the teacher.

italian job – yeah yeah… i watched the remake not the original. it was what it was, and i liked it… nice and mindless… and i mean, an army of mini-coops? how could i not like it?

spy game – just recently watched it. i don’t really know what to think. though i suppose it is full of gunfire and loud noises and explosions and sexy actresses (and hansom actors)… and of course a bit of romance… what’s not to like, right? i’ll be rather honest… i don’t like robert redford as an actor… as a director he’s great. and his character this time bothered me. but whatever, mindless hollywood mainstream…

once – now my absolute favorite movie. it’s definitely hard to get into… but then again, that’s part of it’s brilliance… the entire movie is just down-to-earth honest. the two main characters are definitely real and for sure believable. and the story is sweet and warming. the cinematography has a very honest feel… it has to do with the fact that the dublin scenes were filmed from afar and many of the surrounding people (aka extras) didn’t know a movie was being filmed. yes, the camera-work is definitely amateur-ish… the acting not that incredible (but then again, these aren’t actors who are acting). but i like it… it gives it a certain feel to it. it’s just… honest… what’s most amazing… after watching it you know it was low-budget… but if or one was surprised upon learning that it was filmed with a $160,000 budget! not only that, but filming only lasted a total of 17 days!! and despite this, it’s critically acclaimed, and won an award at sundance, and had a gross revenue of $14 million before DVD release!! i loved the movie so much, and this simple fact surprised me so much that i become discontent with my illegal download and bought the real thing from amazon.

well i gotta go… the itunes ipod restore thing didn’t work and i’m freaking out… a lot…

[EDIT] i fixed my ipod… thank god for online forums… tho the little tiny nick on my screen has grown and that’s annoying me. so i would like to add, since i wasn’t finished quite yet, that once has an absolutely amazing soundtrack. that’s all